Monday, November 24, 2008

Ad Hominem - Omnes Ad Unum

The first and most immediate thought racing through my head as I suffer through Ad Hominem's first demo "Omnes Ad Unum" is "who the hell puts this shit out?" I want to find the perpetrators and ask them how they sleep at night knowing that they are wasting everyone's time... the pressing plant, the artists making the covers, the plants manufacturing the Cds or, in this case, cassettes these albums are printed on. I understand the importance of maintaining a "true status" and releasing material that only "true metal warriors of the anti-Zionist regime" will understand but I can't help but pity the people buying this load of crap.

The guitars sound like a happy swarm of hornets buzzing around your ear and whispering to you when you are about to walk into a very clean clear glass door or something wholly inconsequential. The vocals are about as generic, lo-fi black metal as you can get. The drums are seeping with glue that oozes out from the tape holding the hardware together and I can guarantee you that the drummer is sitting on a milk crate disguised as the head of some Jewish leader that no one has heard of or cares about. I don't think that the bassist knows what he is supposed to be playing as he is off time, confused and out of touch with what is going on. His bass might as well be made of cheap sausage. It would sound like a more convincing instrument and only because I am currently hungry.

"In Odio Esse Sibi" brings the pretentious personalities to the forefront with keyboard interludes and clean guitars. I get the sense that Ad Hominem feels they are going to write the next great black metal masterpiece and will be loved by everyone. The problem is they can't write even a song that approaches "meh" status. The minute long keyboard pieces "Noesis" and "Requiem For Humanity" are the most interesting songs until "Ceux Qui Perirent Jadis" which somehow sinks its wintry claws into my ears and I find myself somehow maintaining a sense of fondness for the track. It keeps me engaged for some reason, the buzzing guitars adding a sense of being-chased-by-bees-that-don't-want-to-help-you kind of way.

As much as I found myself not bored senseless with the previous track, I laughed outright at the beginning of "Total Volkermord" which is, in my opinion, one of the funniest tracks I have ever heard. It almost tops Countess' Blood On My Lips. Almost. If retarded circus clowns got incredibly hammered on the cheapest and foulest beer available and attempted to make black metal it might begin to resemble the keyboard part in this song. The comedic and humorous cadence takes the cake for worst attempt at 'spooky atmosphere' that there ever was. The vomiting forth of lower, bassy vocals halfway through is a tedious attempt to save an album that has already drowned. Like a gay lifeguard trying to resuscitate a random male swimmer who drowned last year and was already buried. Just... don't listen to this.

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