Carnivorous Vagina - Istinto Omicida

If you like death metal thats technical, brutal and coherent then this album is probably not for you since it has none of these characteristics. In fact, this album is probably the exact opposite of any of those things. First let me say that I'm guessing this band is attempting to be some kind of Gore-Grind / Death Metal hybrid. If your wondering what brings me to that assumption let me explain. The "band"'s name is Carnivorous Vagina and they have songs with such titles as "Hatchet Punishment", "Infanticidio" and the aptly titled "Worms." Its quite possible that they somehow found a broken Mortician album that skipped or was broken directly in half and through some hellish bit of bad luck on the listener's part still worked when Dr. Morbus first started learning how to play what could possibly be considered a musical instrument. Now, don't take that as meaning that this band sounds like a horrible Mortician clone. In fact this band sounds nothing like Mortician. In fact the only reason I used that analogy was because every track sounds like a single three second chunk of music that they looped over and over and therefor sounds like a skipping CD. I'm guessing that the band was hoping that this music would eventually kill the listener due to its horrible-ness and then be spread across the world as being the first album to immediately kill those who listened to it. Not because it was so utterly brutal but because it sounded so utterly bad.

I'm going to first skip directly to the production. Though I've heard worse production, I've never heard a production sound that sounded as if the microphone was placed inside a man's ass and recorded from the inside of his stomach. The overall distortion sound is something between a yeti hypophenating and Micheal Moore having a orgy with the fattest human and non-human women possible. The bass is akin to Neanderthal love grunts and the vocals, when audible, are much of the same. The drums are quite strange. They are programmed first of all but what immediately sets them apart from any other recorded drums is that they must have been recorded in an airplane hanger; the drums positions in one corner and the drum mics in the other corner as far away as possible. The drums are so distant that you have to strain to hear them. Of all the instruments however the drums are possibly the best part of all of the horrible parts that were pulled together to comprise this disgraceful piece of music. I use the term 'music' lightly.

The Songs are quite short with each averaging maybe two and a half minutes. There is however one five minute song. In short there are no "epic" songs on this album. If there were, theres a good chance that particular song would actually suck time out of the universe and we would never gain it back. Let me give you a run through of the tracks. "Buried / Undead", "Abomination", League Of Evil", "Captured", "Hell Massacre", "Zombi Ritual" (Not to be confused with Death's Zombie Ritual which far surpasses anything that this band could ever excrete), "Tortured", "Bloodbath", "Slip In Bloodshroud", "Ravish", "Deathouse", "Circle Of The Damned" and "Primitive Ravage" could all be the same track for lack of anything remotely different about them besides the horrific spoken segments before each. The Intro track, "Worms", and "Infanticidio" are all what I would call noise tracks and comprised of nothing but random noises and slight bits of melody... possibly. The only two songs that actually stuck out in any way were Hatchet Punishment which employed some interesting snare rythyms (I think it was a snare drum but it may have been a human butcherer banging on steel pipes with a cleaver) which i actually did hear over all the Moore orgying and through the stomach of the unlucky mic-stand, and the title track which was another noise track but was not actually nearly as bad as anything else on this record.

Warning! This is the utmost worst sounding noise ever recorded. In all I sincerely hope that they did not make too many of these. To be perfectly honest with you, there is not enough room on earth for more than one copy of this album. I would have preferred to pay three dollars for a rock of the same size than this album. The PMRC should make a new rating to place on this album and label it H. H for the following words: Hellish, Horrible, Heinous, Horrendous, Hideous, Horrid, and also Hairy - hairy just for kicks though I guess you can also say that the album sounds hairy in some places. I may not be the greatest music critic however I have heard enough music to know that music is not supposed to sound like the inside of a garbage truck. This album is evil. Not because its meant to be or sound evil but because anything this horrible has to be evil. I once heard someone die. This album was the cause. Actually in the song "Bloodbath" you can hear the people in the recording studio dying. Its around one minute and fifteen seconds into the song. If your feeling the need to listen to music that is nothing but sheer crap or looking for a unique way to commit suicide this is your album.